I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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