What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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