very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ttyl tear gas
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
