the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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