I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
