After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No subtext here. People are naked.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
