When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
