You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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