So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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