he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
