I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
