I forgot how hot balto sounded
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
