ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
