Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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