Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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