yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize