Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
