Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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