I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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