what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
