So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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