a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
