stop calling my apartment porn island.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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