I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
