people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
