all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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