actually, I'm a sock model
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
