Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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