i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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