Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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