Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
