I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
