tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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