Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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