guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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