we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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