I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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