i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
