ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
