I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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