I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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