The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
