So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hippo gnu deer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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