omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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