They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
