Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
