I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
