the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
