I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
