So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
