she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
