I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
