Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
