I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
