I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
