your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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