My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
