so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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