maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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