is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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