Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
