I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
