apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
