I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
