I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
