I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
