Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
