Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
