Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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