the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
