I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
