end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
