I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
